


A Lifetime

by Pseudonymfox



Series: A Lifetime [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Loss, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 08:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21407200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pseudonymfox/pseuds/Pseudonymfox
Summary: We fall in-Love with 3 People in our lifetime...Each one for a specific reason
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: A Lifetime [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543267
Kudos: 2





	A Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday was the birthday of my Tumblr account and for celebration I posted the first part of this Mini-series...Enjoy :)

First love: This love happens at a young age. You eventually grow apart or call it quits over silly things. When you get older you may look back and think it wasn’t love. But the truth is, it was. It was love for what you knew love to be.

His name, Bucky Barnes. Childhood friends and neighbors thanks to your families since moving to Brooklyn at the age of three. You grew up and spend most of your time together, it was just natural for you to be something more at one point as your parents like to say. Both of you didn’t saw that, of course until it was almost too late. But let’s get back to the beginning… 

As you sat there in the background of the main dancefloor, looking down at all the students dancing together, some of them mixing liquor secretly into their drinks, shy freshmen standing awkwardly around, the popular girls who are probably gossiping about everything that gets into their sight and then there’s you who sits further away with no date while waiting for your friend who even tho has a date doesn’t show up or respond to your texts. 

Bucky was even the one who convinced you to come and have fun with him and his date, basically as the third wheel. 

Neither him or you were really like fitting in any of the typical groups and as Sadie, the leader of the cheerleader team suddenly asked him to be her date, Bucky of course said yes, even after you told him she was just trying to make fun of him.

Not wanting to wait longer, you just got up as you saw perfect little Sadie enter the hall. All alone, so you walked her way. 

“Where’s Bucky?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest. She immediately looked you up and down. 

“Oh Bucky..yeah. I got asked out last second by Jason so I went with him.” Sadie told you. “And you told Bucky right? Where is he?" 

"I guess he just figured that out himself. I don’t know where he is and I don’t care either” she said as it wasn’t obvious enough before moving out of your sight and bumping not so innocently into you making you stumble to the side. 

Thinking that he must be at home, you walked out of the hall and went straight towards home in your way to uncomfortable heels. At least it didn’t take you that long otherwise you would have taken the train. 

Much to your surprise Bucky sat outside waiting as if Sadie would still come around. It hurts to see him like this. 

“Shouldn’t you be at school?” he asked before giving you even a chance to say something. “I could ask yourself ask you that too” you chuckled, trying to lighten up his mood a bit. 

“I mean it (Y/N). Get back to school, at least one of us should enjoy it” he got off the stairs and back in the building. 

“I am not going back there if you are not there either. It’s stupid anyway so why don’t we do something instead?” With these words he stopped and turned hesitant to you, but also with excitement in his eyes. 

“Wait right there for a second” he said and rushed inside. Rolling your eyes you rubbed your arms up and down, it began to get kind chilly but before you had to stand there any longer, Bucky came back out again swirling a pair of keys around his fingers and a slight smirk on his lips. You knew these keys which worried you which Bucky should be too. 

“Bucky your dad.."you sighed concerned. His father wasn’t the nicest Person, especially not Bucky. It’s scary to meet him sometimes and he always tried to cut things short with him before his father would find a new reason to throw a fit. 

"It’s going to be fine. Let’s make this a good night’s. Just the two of us” Bucky convinced you, but you were still wary. For a good reason. 

“But you dad. We both know what-” you stopped as this silly shushed you and held his hand over your mouth. 

“No ‘buts’. Just get in the car (Y/N). If I destroyed your homecoming than at least let me make it up for it” he pushed you back around and opened your car door waiting for you to get in. Which you did and soon after you found yourself outside the City. The big skyscrapers disappearing in your mirror and the sky getting cleared up so you actually got to see stars which was so rare if you didn’t get to do these kinda road trips as often as you wished it to be. One of a few more reasons to get out of there if you have the chance. 

“Why so far off Bucky. Did you secretly plan this?” You chuckled as turning your head back to him. 

“Maybe I did think that I didn’t had to be one this homecoming dance all night long and take someone special out here who I knew would like it out of special reasons” he winked your direction, eyes switching from you and the street a couple of times. If you only knew Bucky thought to himself. While all you could think about Sadie not even deserving a single bit off of him. 

“I know you hate to hear this, but she is not worth it like at all. If I had the self confidence I wish I had then I would have beat this bitch up” you said, throwing both of you in a fit of laughter, that you made forgot the world with him. Driving off the main street you found yourself on a rather uneven road with nothing but fields surrounding it until Bucky hit the breaks, stopping the car which was a rather older truck that seemed to barely hold on to life. “Now? Is it your plan to kill me out here because of what I did to you years ago..” you joked with him in a deeper voice as if it was a old movie.

“Dork” he replied with a grin before jumping out and onto the back of the truck. Following right after him you stayed rather on the ground watching what he wanted to do next. 

“Care to join?” He asked after scattering some blankets onto the ground, holding his hand out to you and pulling you up to him. 

“And then he took that knife from behind his back-” joking again, he cut you off with a shoulder bump. Sitting down crossed legged you watched Bucky laying down and watching the sky turn colors from the orange, red sunset in the dark night, stars popping up here and there to light up the sky a bit. 

“I’m really sorry about today Buck” you laid off your silly attitude and tried to be serious at least for now. 

“Not your fault (Y/N). I didn’t wanted to come in the first place remember. Don’t remember why I changed my mind in the first place” he sighed out, one hand under his head and one at his side holding your. 

“Cause I wanted you to be there. See it’s kinda my fault. I just wanted both of us to remember this kinda stuff” He probably didn’t think about stuff like you did, but along some of your circumstances, you tried to make your school time somewhat nice for the both of you. “What kinda stuff do you mean?” Bucky said a bit quieter this time, turning his head to you. “You know..the usual stuff. What other normal people do. We just don’t have that, no friends, we don’t do clubs after school, no getting drunk or getting invited to anything" 

Maybe you ranted a bit too much but school is hard and life outside school is harder. Bucky sat up now, releasing this is not you joking around with him and that you spoke this with honesty. 

"What is so wrong with this. Not perfect, but who cares and we don’t need that either” he told you making you look back up while holding your hands in his. Now you never really thought much about the little things, but it showed you more and more that there might be more to that friendship with him. Inching closer you wanted to take the next step, giving yourself a kick to kiss your best friend “because we have each other?” Mocking him a little too much, Bucky went to stand up again. 

Great job you thought to yourself. 

“We should go now. Don’t wanna be late. My dad has work soon” he sighed out going back inside and starting to drive back home. 

Bucky didn’t like to show it much, but he got nervous around his dad, knowing how he can be and what he can be. His knuckles turned white from gripping the steering wheel too tight, overstepping the speed limit just a tiny bit, all these details showed his fear. As he parked the car you both practically jumped out the car. Pacing back inside. 

“Bucky if..I mean if something happens, you come over alright?” you stuttered out before he could go back inside, not wanting him to be late, but you need to remind him that you’re there for him even if he knew that. 

“I know. Thank you for tonight (Y/N)” bucky kissed your cheek. 

“I should thank you Buck” you could only reply before you both went inside your homes. Still worry lacing thoughts, you tiptoed into your room and got into bed as soon as possible for a good night sleep and well deserved rest after saying a quick apology to your parents. 

And in the middle of the night you woke up by the slight background voices, yelling and other loud noises that didn’t sound too far off. Standing back up from your bed, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes to look what is going on in the hallway, even if you had a bad feeling about what it could be as the voices got clearer. 

“Don’t you dare come back inside!! If I am losing my job because of you than you might as well be the one who takes care of that family!!” you understood now and heard the familiar voice yelling. 

A quick look outside you wanted to check things, but with shock you saw Bucky is sitting outside his door. 

“Bucky?” You asked softly, but as he turned to your voice coming the hallway you noticed his bruised eye, cut on the cheek and lip. Blood running down the side of his face. With that you got outside and walked up to him. 

“Oh my god Bucky..” you whispered and hunched down to him. 

“It-It’s fine” he whimpered a bit, shaken up and hurt. That was by far not the first time. His mother was a sweetheart, but to scared to do something. Having enough of sitting there you helped him up and took him to your place. Your parents knew about that, but never really said anything. Sitting him down on your bed you returned from the bathroom with your first aid kit and a some frozen peas to cool it. As you stitched him and cleaned the blood off of him you were the first one to say something again. 

“I shouldn’t even let you go back inside there” you told him silently. 

“You don’t have to think that everything is your fault” he stopped your hand from holding the peas onto his face that started to slightly burn. 

“We should go to bed now. Let’s talk tomorrow alright” you asked him, but he only hunched over and laid back under the covers, you beside him with your eyes already dropping not being fully there anymore until Bucky just got closer and kissed you. Wincing a bit as his face stings. Somehow with everything going around you, careless and abusive parents, no friends, school barely surviving. This was the only thing that felt really right. 

Bucky was and always is your best friend. The one you could trust no matter what. Since that night somehow it didn’t really change much besides the actual couple stuff and spending even more time together if that was even possible at that point. It’s both of your last year in school and you talked about what happened afterwards since you got accepted at a college in atlanta and Bucky wanted to stay home and help his family out since his Mom got sick and can’t work anymore. You’ve been understanding but what he didn’t know is that you are scared for what might come. New York isn’t just around the corner if you would wanted to keep this upright. Of course it’s not just the relationship, it’s your whole friendship. There wasn’t anyone else like Bucky for you. 

“I have a present for you” Bucky came in your room with an envelope in his hands. He looked way to excited as he gave it into your hands waiting for you to open it. 

“Did I forget some special day if yes, then since when do we do that?” you asked suspiciously. Opening it you saw a flight ticket towards New York. It made you rather emotional than happy.

“We haven’t talked about it yet but we gotta at some point and I am fully in this relationship if you are too” 

“That was so cheesy, you hated that didn’t you?” you laughed with a quiet sob, not holding your emotions in really well.

“Yes I did but I showed you where I am standing. I also got myself a ticket to Atlanta so we can switch things up” he said showing the other ticket in his pocket. “It’s going to work (Y/N)” 

You hugged each other with a following kiss and that gave you some kind of hope.

  
This sadly not everlasting last year came to an ending. All your stuff was already packed up in boxes and on it’s way to your dorm thanks to your parents who told you they would drive down there themselves while you are waiting for your flight with Bucky by your side. Time to say goodbyes.

“I think that is the longest we won’t be able to see each other” you have been crying multiple times before so you tried to stop that but tears kept coming the whole last week. 

“We said no more crying alright? Just a few months. We can do this” Bucky said but his eyes were also red and his cheeks stained. Nothing helped this right now and neither did as your flight was called up.

“Time to go. See you soon alright. Call me when you landed.” he kissed you another time trying to make it last forever until you had to cut it off to catch a breath. 

“I love you Bucky” you said with another peck on his lips. 

“I love you too (Y/N)..so much” he hugged you tight before you went to walk away, looking another time back to him with a big smile on your faces to comfort each other as you walked to the doors. 

College was harder than you thought and getting really into this life might be almost harder, you had a roommate but she was not really open minded to making new friendships. One time she punched a hole in the wall cause something was wrong with the pizza she ordered. Classed kept you from anything really. Sleeping, eating, calling your boyfriend or getting some time for yourself. Bucky on the other side found himself a job and couldn’t call you as much as you both liked too. If you had the time it wasn’t long and you didn’t know what to say sometimes. It was mostly complaining about your life and problems. It brought back the fear you had as you left which turned into anger that added to your thousand other problems. One day as you were in class, Bucky called which was surprising since he worked normally at this time and he knew you classes at this time of the day. It must have been urgent you thought and went outside with your stuff as quick as possible and took the call.  
“Bucky? Shouldn’t you be working?” you asked waiting in front of the door hoping to get back inside, not wanting to fall behind in every single class.

“Uhm it’s George, listen I don’t know why he didn’t call earlier but tomorrow is Winnies funeral. She passed a few days ago..” Bucky’s dad told you over the line, out of shock you almost forgot to reply. How could he not tell you that? But that didn’t matter right now. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that sir. I’ll be there of course. Thank you for letting me know”

“No problem. I’ll send you the info. See you then” were his last words before hanging up. It took you a moment to realise all of this. His Mother always treated you as you were a part of this family. So nice and respectful didn’t even your parents treat you. Your last two classes have been hell and you could barely concentrate on any of the subjects. As soon as you got back to the dorm you packed a bag and went to the airport trying to get the next flight with one of Bucky’s tickets. Luckily one was right on time so you would land in New york in time and you did but the traffic there was as always horrible. Cursing at the cab driver a couple of times actually helped as he practically threw you out at the church where the funeral is getting held. Scurrying down the path you saw them already walking away, cursing under your breath you could punch a tree right now. Bucky still didn’t turn around and his father only gave you a slight nod as he walked also past you. Taking that as a hint you walked carefully up to him.  
“Bucky..” you said not even getting out as secure as you thought your voice would be. Turning with widened eyes towards the sound of your voice you could see the hurt written all over his face and body language. There weren’t words that came to either your minds as he took a big step towards you, who took him in a big hug as he sobbed quietly in your shoulder. Standing there for a while you just enjoyed each other presence giving him as much time as he needed and wanted. 

Later on you sat down with him a little bit away on a bench. 

“Why didn’t you tell me Bucky. I mean I know it got worse with her the last month and that might be not the right time to talk about that but.. I just thought we can talk about that?” you asked him.

“I just couldn’t think about anything and you just haven’t been there” he said and let go of your hands. 

“What? I mean I understand but just because I am not here doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me or I am out of this world” you tried not to get it to your head and take that with respect towards him. 

“Yes it does (Y/N). I don’t know if you noticed but since you have been in Atlanta, everything went straight downhill and you can’t tell me that everything stayed how it is. It’s just not the same” Bucky raised his voice a bit and each of that words cut into your skin making you almost think it’s your fault what happened. Thinking that it’s just been a harsh few months for him you tried to comfort him some more by just simply holding his hand but something in him snapped with your next words.  
“I understand Bucky-” you could only brought out. 

“No you don’t understand, you don’t! Why did we think that works out so well?” he stood up, pacing up and down in front of you. 

“You were the one who gave us this hope by buying the tickets?” you snapped back at him.  
“I mean the whole relationship. Why destroying the friendship when we knew about college and all of that” Bucky started to yell at some point.

“Don’t say that because you don’t mean that!” you replied trying to calm him. 

“But it’s the truth. Tell me why we did that? Couldn’t have stayed the same because that would make it much easier. It was all so silly..” he swallowed hard, realising how wrong the words might sounded and with this you understood, even you told yourself the whole time that this was only the circumstances right now. But that simply went too far. 

“Then I am going to make that much easier for you since I am that much of a pain in the ass. Hope you never have to see me again” you threw the flowers you bought at him and left. Never looking back again you told yourself.

Everyone keeps thinking the first love is the one forever until it breaks your heart for the first time. Later you will eventually learn the true meaning behind this… 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated!


End file.
